That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
