I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
