nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
