We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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