Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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