thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they need to just BURY HIM!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
