I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
