I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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