last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
