you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
