What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
