who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
