I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
