He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
