i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
