I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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