Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
