yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
