I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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