well I can't set my house on fire every night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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