Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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