things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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