I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
