i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
