he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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