i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
