ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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