her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
