Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
