I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
