I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize