When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
