we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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