i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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