im holly from the hills drunk
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
