Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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