Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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