Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
