Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
