im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i dont even know how to be here
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
