Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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