I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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