I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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