You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
