Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
