I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What a dumb baby whore.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
