she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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