Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
