If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
