His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
