Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize