He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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