I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
