Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize