"it" just moved
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
