I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That accounts for only three of the penises
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
