Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
