dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
