What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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