I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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