worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
