oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
