woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
