You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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