I hate all girls vehemently.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize