i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
