I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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