His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
