how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
