I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I lost the right to judge tonight
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
