Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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