saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can I color on your dick again?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
