My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
